The School of Caring: Learning to Be a Caring Person
What kind of person are you?
It’s a loaded question, but one that will determine how you deal with others, particularly with the women you wish to get to know better, date, and eventually enjoy romantic times with. Early in our dating lives, the object is very often about your needs. You are interested in spending time with the most beautiful, sexy, and exciting women you can find and maybe getting as far as the bedroom if you can.
In that way, early courting and seducing is all about the joy of sexual conquest, and there is a pleasure to that. But over time, you will begin to desire more than that. You will notice that the relationships you are in that work well for those self-centered goals are not very satisfying in other, more meaningful ways. They don’t tend to last very long and, to be brutally honest, you are spending time with girls with the same values you used to hook up with them, and those values are not very uplifting in the long run.
So what we really want is those same traits in a woman that we had when we were just about conquest, but somehow more as well. We want our women to always be beautiful and sexy and touch us in that way. But the ideal would be that she is also a woman of values, of sensitivity, of thought and feeling so you can continue to see her and discover the complex woman in her . . . all the while enjoying the thrills that you had during the sexual conquest phase.
That’s a tall order. But it is not impossible. You will have to change the types of women you approach and flirt with, your flirting style, and your method and plans in the early dates with the women you meet who seem to fit your new specifications. But those women do exist, and you are on the right track for building relationships that will truly become ones you will treasure and nurture . . . relationships that will much more fit the definition of “romance” rather than “one night stands” or affairs.
A Change of Focus
In addition to changing your flirting style, you should begin to alter the list of objectives you use when flirting and picking up women. Women who will be wonderful romances for you are more complex and have greater requirements for you to fill their emotional needs before you can grow close to them. Women approach dating much differently than we do as men. Some of the values that mean a lot to them are . . .
– They want to feel you are interested in them. Talk more about them than about yourself.
– They want to feel you are faithful and that you will be there for them long into the future.
– They want to know you are both strong and manly, but sensitive and gentle with them emotionally and sexually.
They want you to be a caring person. For a woman, the central organ of her romantic life is her heart, not her genitals.
That last one is absolutely the magic lamp for gaining the affection and romance of a beautiful, sexy woman. So when you answered the question at the beginning, did you answer that you are a caring person?
It’s time to be honest and, for a lot of us guys, caring and concern for others– especially at the emotional level–is not our strength. But just like working a muscle to build strength and endurance, it is something that can be enhanced and made better over time. There are things you can do when not with a woman that will make you a more caring person in general. While the suggestions listed in this article may not seem on the surface to be related to dating or romance, they will alter how you think and feel and make you a more caring, compassionate, and “empathic” person. This, in turn, will be reflected during your time with your lover, and the outcome will be a stronger, healthier, more satisfying and romantic relationship.
Concern for Animals
When child psychologists or parents want to improve a child’s ability to care for others, they often use a pet to help with that. You can use that impulse to care for a pet to expand this part of your personality, too. If you don’t have a pet, now is the time to think about getting one.
Get a pet that you can “have a relationship with”, such as a dog or a cat. A goldfish cannot communicate with you very well. If you have a feeling for a certain kind of animal, use that to move you toward caring for the animal. It’s always best to start out with a young animal–a puppy or a kitten–because they are so needy and responsive. At the same time, they are very affectionate and will bond to you, so you will begin to get both the feeling of warmth that caring for others brings, as well as the rewards.
Make time for your pet. Be patient when they make mistakes and think of them as a member of your family. At times you will forget you are doing this to help you be a better boyfriend, and that’s good. That means you are genuinely becoming a caring person, not just manipulating yourself so you can make more progress with the ladies.
Caring for Humans
Now you can expand your feelings of concern and desire to help others to the disadvantaged in society. If you want to really jump start your emotional side toward caring, go and visit a children’s hospital and take the kids some presents. Your heart will be tugged by how adorable and yet how needy they are and, as with the pet, they will reward you with affection and gratitude, which will accelerate you toward becoming an even more caring individual.
You can take the momentum you got from that visit and expand your caring concern for the homeless, for victims of disasters overseas, or for orphans. If you would like to become involved in one of the organizations that lets you send a small amount of money to an orphan and exchange letters and pictures with them too, that will make this side of you grow and become more feeling.
You are Not a Wimp
During this time, as you find new emotions beginning to spring up inside you, you may feel you are becoming “soft” or less manly. In fact, the opposite is true. Your ability to feel and care for others is the height of manliness. It will play a major, all-important role down the road when you become a father and husband.
Moreover, the ability to be tender, to nurture and pamper someone you care about, will naturally come out in your tender times with your lover. She will notice it, and just as the pets and the children poured love back to you, so will your sweetheart. That loving will be romantic, intimate, and exciting in a way you never could achieve before when all you wanted to do was have short term thrills with sexy babes.
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