Emotional Intelligence and Communication Styles
Although understanding emotional intelligence is one of the keys to having balance in both business and personal relationships, this personal development term can be hard to define. But, in short, it’s the ability to pick up on, figure out, and control both our emotions and those of others.
Remember, we base all our decisions not on logical thinking but on our emotions.
Now, according to Dr. John D. Mayer and Dr. Peter Salovey, two psychology professors at the forefront of emotional intelligence research, there are four main factors that contribute to emotional intelligence.
These factors are:
Perceiving emotions: Identifying your feelings and those of others.
Reasoning with emotions: Using emotions to help decide what to pay attention and respond to.
Understanding emotions: Decoding your emotions and those of others to figure out what caused them and what they could mean.
Managing emotions: Keeping your emotions in check and reacting appropriately to those of others.
People with high emotional intelligence can perceive, think about, understand, and manage emotions even in stressful situations. This helps them use their communication skills to interact effectively with others. They are also generally able to make well thought-out decisions and stick with them until the task they are working toward is complete. They are able to do this because they know what they want; they have a clear vision and clear goals. Emotionally intelligent people are motivated from the inside because they understand their feelings, so no hurdle is big enough to stop them.
Now, when it comes to understanding the feelings of others, observing their communication styles can help. There are four main types of communicators: visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, and auditory digital-self talk.
Since being able to identify each one will boost your communication skills, we will cover them briefly:
1.The visual person uses a lot of visual, descriptive words like “do you see what I mean?” or “please look at the bigger picture.”
They will primarily be interested in how things “look.”
When you talk to such a person, ask questions based on visualizing what you want to show them, so they can “see” it in their imagination.
Never talk to a visual person in long monologues, else their mind will start to wander and you will lose them.
2. The auditory person is easily distracted by noise but can repeat things you say word by word.
They learn more easily by listening and they like to talk on the phone.
If someone is auditory they will say things like “this sounds like a good idea.” In this case, use the same kind of language with them.
For example, if you want to sell them something, you could say:
“Just listen to all the positive feedback we are getting–people only talk positively about their experience with our product/service.”
3. The kinesthetic person will probably speak in a more slow tone of voice, and will go “hellooooooooo”.
They are very touchy-feely.
This kind of person learns by doing and going through things step by step.
Kinesthetic people talk a lot about feelings, like “I feel you on this.” Again, it helps to use the same type of language with them, focusing on how things feel to you and others.
4. The auditory digital self-talk communicator spends a lot of time talking to themselves in their head. They like procedures, steps, and formulas.
They need to make sure things make sense to them, so give them important details up front.
Now, as a personal development coach, I believe everyone can build upon their emotional intelligence and communication skills. Investing in this type of personal development will help you create a balanced life where you are successful in your business and happy in your relationships, so focus on building your awareness of your own emotions and communication style, along with those of others.